umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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