i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
