I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
