For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
