Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize