i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
