Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
