What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
