the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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