I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
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I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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