I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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