I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
