Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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