At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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