I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
