Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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