i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
PANTIES FOUND
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