He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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