Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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