i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
