I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize