She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize