Your mouth is God's brothel.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
