Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
