wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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