wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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