I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
