Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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