forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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