took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
