my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
