She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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