Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
