i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
