Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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