I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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