Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
