someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
