That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
