How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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