she pinky promised me she was 18
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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