all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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