i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
