do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
