Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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