I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
