you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
