Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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