Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
how drunk are you?
Several
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
