Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
