my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
