Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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