Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
