Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
