1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize