I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
