Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
