You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
