I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Porn is love you can see.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
