I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
