I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
