During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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